we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
it's not cheating when I paid for it
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
