My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
