Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Randomize
