5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
