I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Just invented taco cereal.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
