you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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