somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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