he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Randomize
