She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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