I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
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