a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
