So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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