this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
