New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
That reminds me...we need to get swords
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
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