But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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