remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize
