Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
