I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
