Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
she looked like the before picture.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
