my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
