That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
