I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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