If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
