just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Bring me that man meat
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
