just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
