You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
