I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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