I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Randomize
