i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
