Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
