hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
you mean i was at the winter classic?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
