Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Randomize
