Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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