hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
