try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
