Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
