It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
