you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
last night I used snow as a chaser
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
