i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
