Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
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