My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Randomize
