She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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