Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
My nipple is on Facebook.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize
