The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
