The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
