I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
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