No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
