Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Randomize
