I look better un-naked...
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
