Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
